Bequeathments

One night it was a good evening at the hospital. Ma, Didi and I were chatting. Didi and I were waiting to see the doctor,  who did his rounds after the visiting hours ended at 7 pm, after the throngs had left. Lilavati became a zoo during those two visiting hours and none was as bad as the icu waiting area. But that was later. This night she was still in the ward. It was probably a Friday evening. Didi had come from work and we were chatting. 

She told us to go get the specific gold ornaments from various bank lockers - some koda, necklace etc. She mentioned what was for me, specially what she had been holding onto since my wedding as I declined to take all the gold back. Even now I think I have no idea what I own. She told us about her own jewelry and what she would like to bequeath to whom. Of course we didn’t write all this down because we were half laughing. Mostly I recall being relieved she was finally engaging again. The weeks past, she was strangely quiet and withdrawn, uninterested in anything. She would stare blankly into space and not even acknowledge much when spoken to. But in those last few days since she had begun speaking again. I like to think it was me who badgered her. And that night she even laughed with us when we giggled about her bequeathing jewelry to Arhan’s future wife. 

Then she said she had petty cash lying around in various purses. That I should help myself to it especially for Baba who was always needing cash. 

The doctor came. He said he was going to try tapering the urokinase. Over the weekend he would check to see if the loculations reduced. We felt upbeat and hopeful. I think Didi and I even got drunk on Saturday night together in her bedroom. 

Three days later I left for the States again in a much somber mood. The loculations were back. We were back to square one and contemplating surgery. 

After she passed away, I had the unenviable task of clearing her closet. I did find her petty cash in her pretty handbags and I did help myself to it. I spent quite a bit of it while in India but I have a few notes still in my purse. Money belongs to no one but I keep it there, reminding me of how careful she was always with her money. She didn’t amass a lot and she didn’t desire a lot either. But she valued deeply what she had and took good care of it. I’m not sure it’s a lesson I’ve learned well from her.