One month has passed since Snigdha left us. I am trying hard to bring normalcy in my life joining the adda, spending time with friends watching TV or going to see a play. but whenever I am alone, small incidents, conversations or even tiffs between us are crowding my mind. After Snigdha left us I have stopped daily puja which I used to do every morning by offering sweet elachi dana to our deities ( Snigdha was doing in the evening) and instead i am doing Japa only). While doing so sometimes tears come in my eyes particularly when I am praying to Ma Kali. When I get up from bed in the morning, the first thing comes in my mind is that Snigdha is no more. It is not a bad dream, it is a dark truth, and immediately I sink in gloom. Agony in our minds will continue to be there, particularly for me as loneliness in my life can never be filled in.
I spent all 40 days with Snigdha when she was in the hospital ward from morning 8 am to evening 7 pm when Mou used to relieve me. Mou was not allowing me to stay in the night as she thought that it woul be strenuous for me, but I wanted to spend more time with her. Despite her suffering, I was feeling good to be with her, taking her for Sonography/ Xray, obeying her small orders, bringing her food she liked to eat and feeding her. I even gave her neck massage which she normally hated to get from me The previous day that she entered into coma, she told me to feed her Rawa Porridge. That was the last meal I fed her.
Theose 40 days' stay with her will ever remain in my memory.
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