Lessons of love

Being with Arhan during these last few months has been the best therapy/support I could have ever conceived of. I didn’t realize he would be such an amazing support. But not because he understands grief (because I find it harder to share with adults who have not experienced grief) but it’s for this one reason and one reason only - he reminds me of Ma’s love. It is absolutely unconditional - not contingent on snacks as he has claimed before - and so spontaneously expressive that I’ve been knocked down by the weight of it. He comes at me with all he has - his entire being is completely present in his utter love for me - he said to me today, I will love you even after you and I both pass away. For a four year old to love so completely is probably natural. I don’t know how to tell him to hold on to this feeling because this is all that will ever count in his life. We miss Ma not as much because she meant all these things to us. We miss her because nobody loves us like that anymore - with such abandon and complete unconditional expectation. It is ironic that a child and my mother - a childlike adult - teaches me - a cynical adult - in life and death how to love and how to live.